BY G B S N P VARMA

“The theory behind representative government is that superior men—or at least men not inferior to the average in ability and integrity—are chosen to manage the public business, and that they carry on this work with reasonable intelligence and honest.  There is little support for that theory in known facts…” —H. L. Mencken

It’s election season and every kind of species is out of woodwork: nattering nabobs, louts, wimps, pimps, luddites, candidates, rightists, centrists, leftists, secularists, religionists, communalists, bible-bangers, beard-scratchers, liberals, narcissists, performance artists, megalomaniacs that have most of their stuff in themselves than anywhere else in the world, anarchists, frothing apologists, collectivists,  traditionalists, insufferable prigs, suffering prigs,  users of term “holocaust” as if it’s a brand of candy, and its deniers,  imams, priests and pujaris; shaven heads;  unpunished murderers;  obsessives;  asswipes, mush heads; winners; losers, campaigners,  karyakarthas;   communists; maoists; leninists, minorities, majorities, actors, actresses; directors; rapists, serial killers; dicks; reporters; paid news people,  stringers; election specialists; psephologists,  beer drinkers, wine guzzlers; crowds; loners; freedom fighters;  hate speakers; love peddlers, coalitionists, go-it-aloners; parties of one; party of many; debaters; election commissioners, rent seekers; power grabbers, intellectuals that write doomsday scenarios, chaiwallas, garbage people; wannabes, would-bes, mobsters, dark humorists; knuckledraggers, mensheviks, bolsheviks, union labourers; unionists, immigrants; Bangladeshis;  loud-mouthed TV anchors and moderators that know nothing or everything,  and who don’t brook no mediation between their mouths and what passes for their brain, paid reporters and unpaid stringers tweeting the heck out of their remaining brains, plebeians, bourgeois guys, craven jingoistic morons, moronic internationalists,  simple morons, regular guys, twits, assholes, lying candidates, carping rubes, sour-faced bureaucrats, PM candidates, candidates for PM, scamsters, pundits who add chaff to the wheat,  internet armies and stalkers and trolls, people who want only growth and then some, oligarchs, oil men,  socialists of misery, gamblers, bastids, karma police, writers with words that cannot bear their thoughts, and thoughts that cannot inhabit the words,  voters, citizens, people, Indians…

If you know anything about anything, folks, the problem with India is it’s full of Indians.

(GBSNP Varma is a freelance journalist who reports from Andhra Pradesh.)

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